I told Jen we were going to sit and have a talk.
I told her what I loved about her as a Personal Trainer - that she would find ways that I could do things with the injuries I have, and that she always seems to encourages me to do more in the workout - but stops me from doing too much.
Then I told her that her words on Tuesday hurt.  Blaming my injuries on my eating was not fair - since they happened at much lighter weights. That chewing me out for my eating stirs up anorexia and bulimia thoughts - and I'd already researched Medifast, or doing the fasting I did years ago to lose weight - but I want to be healthy. 
I told her that my hA1c is so low - pointing to great diet changes.  That my triglycerides are plummeting - due to diet and exercise.  That there are changes in my body because of my eating that she can't see on the scale. I reminded her of the medicine that caused me to crave things I don't normally crave with a life threatening feel with it...like a drug addict describes.  And if I get focused on the weight numbers, I can really screw up the nutrition part and hurt myself - but, oh yeah, I'll lose weight - and my hair, and have really ashy skin too!  woo hoo - a skinny walking dead person.

I reminded her that the injuries with my legs happened long ago - and now I am just suffering the consequences.  Do I need to lose weight? Of course...but does my eating cause these injuries? No - they've all happened at a lower weight than I've been. (sidenote)And that's the frustrating thing for me, I start losing weight correctly, start working out, sensibly, like walking, and something tweaks my knees or my ankles and down I go...every single time.  But this time, I will not stay down!). 

Her comment was "If you don't want me to deal with the weight and the nutrition part, then I won't. If you are happy where you are, then I'm happy for you. I'll just do the exercise part."
Hmm, she didn't get it.
So - onto my exercise comments - I told her I need to do one day of physical therapy a week - and since I don't know what things she'll be doing, I don't know what to do on the other days...and I give up.  So - I'm bringing her my physical therapy exercises, and we will do them on Tuesday - because I need to be spotted while I do many of them for balance - and I know she can switch them up with additional exercises.  Then, on Thursday, we will do workouts based on what happens after Tuesday - and I will work back up to the walking, and do the water based physical therapy exercises on MWF.  She agreed to help set up some paperwork that lists what exercises I do and how I'm progressing - like curls, leg press and such with the weights. We don't do the same thing every week - but at least I could see progression - which is something I need to see.

As I said, she didn't get that her manner of 'riding' me about nutrition and eating was abusive to me - and she didn't offer to change it in anyway - in fact, she said she'd just not do anything with it, or weigh ins.  But, I think she'll do whatever I ask. 

At least I took a stand.  I do love her for the exercise part - and I know I am a basket full of complications....but I'm proud of myself for talking with her - and not just quiting the gym so I never have to see her again! ;-)
I'm glad she talked with me.
Thanks for all the comments.
~C

Just an update, though I think Christi has mentioned it.  At my last checkup, the dr wanted me to start Niaspan (prescription strength Vitamin B) to get my HDL / LDL ratios 'right'.  I waited til I got back from my trip, then took it for 2 days.  My legs and inner arms broke out in a very heavy rash.  As Christi noted, at the worst point, we couldn't really see my ankle bones.  That knock me out of the work out stuff for about a week and a half. 

So this week of vacation is the first time I've worked out regularly in about 3 weeks.  Feels good to be back.  So I'm taking aim on 220# again, though it probably won't happen til after I'm back at work.

Thanks to all of you who have encouraged Christi.

Jim

I will be talking with Jenifer, per the previous posts, instead of working out with her - then I will do my water physical therapy...and Jim's going to get in the pool with me!
I'll let you all know how it worked out.
hugs,
~C

Thanks for the comments!!! You all are so supportive and you all verified what I was thinking - which is new thinking for me, and I needed to hear it verified by folks I know have their heads together - THANK YOU!
 Thanks Shanz, Danielle, Denise and Melissa - your comments were like hugs and pats on the back and 'go get 'em' as well as a reminder that I HAVE come a long way - and not just in my mind!!!

One thing I realized last night - Jen kept saying my pains were weight related - ok, this knee issue came up at 211 - that's the LOWEST I'VE BEEN IN 10 YEARS!!!  Ok, so I'm back up to 221 - BUT - IT HAPPENED AT 211!!!  The weight is a result of the injury - NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! Now, I'm cool with the fact that the weight is making the recovery take longer....and duh - I know the weight is an issue....<sigh>. I'm so aware of it that I was seriously thinking of doing Medifast to lose the weight fast for my joints. In fact, I've had to struggle with the old anorexia mentality - eating very little and purging that and exercising 3+ hours a day (how do you think I got down to 114 with 14% body fat less than a year after my fifth baby, when I was over 190 ?) - BUT I CAN'T SEE THAT AS HEALTHY!!! In fact, I think that's how I started to lose the bone density - that horrible time of anorexia and bulimia. And, I don't want to go there again. 

That's right back with the knee doctor saying the weight is what's causing problems with my knee - and the knee stuff starting at 114 and 121 - anyone think that's too heavy for a 5'2" woman?  Or 14% body fat was too high? Hmmmm?

I think I have the nutrition figured out (praise God for living in the electronic information age!) and I'm going to try it for a month.  I think the med that caused me to gain weight is finally out of my system.  And, I'm thinking that in another month, the doctor is going to up my thyroid med again - I wonder if I can get him to up it enough to have hyper thyroid??? Nah - there's probably some really bad FDA thingy that would happen to him! LOL.

Jim's going to help me do the physical therapy - and I'm going to go down to just one day a week with Jen to do arms - and I WILL BE HAVING A TALK WITH HER ON THURSDAY!!! 

So - here's more of my positives, by the grace of God and in His strength -
I have survived anorexia and bulimia (which is why binge eating is such an issue with me - as well as purging issues). 
I have survived paralysis from the waist down (and this leg thing has scared me, and brought back many memories of that time).
I have survived 7 surgeries in 7 years which is what put me on this high weight path - I started at 114 and I was at 180-190 at the end of those 7 years. 
Then I started working on it, and got hit with another knee surgery, a torn plantar, and some really emotional times - and I hit 250. But I have survived.
This year, I have battled many fears - I have battled many injuries and ailments - and I have survived....and I have lost 30 pounds that have stayed off. 
Yes - I was within spitting distance of 40 pounds lost - but you know what - here's another victory - I KNOW THAT 10 POUNDS IS COMING OFF - and MORE!!
Maybe not the way I had planned in the timing I had planned - but I'm not dead yet(line from some Monty Python movie, Search for the Holy Grail maybe?) - so I still have time! It ain't over till the fat lady sings - and this fat lady ain't singin' 'til she ain't fat no mo'!
And with great friends like you all - and the strength of God that continues to spur me on - I will make it!
And - I will sing - but not the final song! ;-)

Again - Thank you to my wonderful friends!
~Christi

Sooooo, I did go see Jennifer today - and we were able to do some workouts with me standing up - as opposed to only sitting down because of my knees.
Then - I walked around WalMart to find stuff for our remodeling event this week. 
Then - I crawled along the floor to put tape and brown paper along the woodwork so that Jim and I could be more messy than if I didn't put tape and paper up.  The truth is, we're too messy to NOT have paper - and with the paper and tape, we still make messes.  I'd totally tape off the window but then we couldn't see so well.  Ah well - paint comes off glass pretty easily if gotten soon after the event!

Jen chewed me out about eating...I argued with her that my metabolism is shot right now - and sitting doing nothing for weeks (because I had to have my silly leg up and blah blah - and she said I should have changed up what I was eating.  I'm PO'd.  When I ask her for nutritional information, she says she doesn't have that training.  When I talk about the emotional aspects to this weight issue, she nods....but seems to not get it.  And then, today - to chew me out about not eating right - when she has NO IDEA how I've been eating...nor would she know if it was right, because, remember - she doesn't know nutrition so she won't give me counsel ....but apparently she will give me an *#@ chewing....hmmm, I'm PO'd.  She even said I was making her cuss because I was obviously not taking my eating seriously.  When I said I had to be able to walk/workout to get my metabolism going she said, "well, you created a deficit, but you have to be able to lose weight without the gym - the food is what's going to make you lose weight - you have to stop eating crap."  She also said that if I didn't lose weight, I could expect her to chew me out again.  This is not productive to me...this is not the way I work.  I do not respond well to abusive patterns - and I cannot lose weight to prevent myself from being yelled at, nor do I want to pursue exercise as a punishment for being bad and eating something wrong.  Again - 'wrong' - she has no idea what I eat. 

When we started the challenge, I worked out 6 days a week for at least an hour.  I ate around 1200 calories.  I lost 30 pounds.  With injuries and the confusion about not eating enough calories - I lost my focus.  I started trying other peoples' methods - and I stopped losing.
The typical diet doesn't work for me - because of the balances I need for the blood sugar.  I've spent the last 6 months checking out the dietary break down of various diets - to try to get some guidelines to go by.  I've tried to find sound information on MY calorie needs based on my metabolism, and my sugar issues and so on.  I've been on a med that has screwed up my metabolism (as a very common side effect) caused raging cravings for things I never craved before, and caused a 10 pound weight gain on 1400 calories with exercise. I gained weight walking 5k's and more.  I've had major arm issues in January, major knee issues in March and put in physical therapy - and now I'm in the middle of my second knee issue....and cannot walk for exercise.  So - do I eat 1000 calories because I can't workout? OR WILL THAT PUT ME IN STARVATION MODE???  I'm maintaining mostly....but I'm struggling with the neuropothy returning....which has some swelling with it, and fibromyalgia flaring up because I'M NOT ABLE TO WALK!!! I've maintained my weight at 1200 before....and that's not much food.
And - duh, I'm struggling with depression because of my body abandoning my goals for the walks this summer as well as just working around the house, spending time with Jim and our kids, handling our grandson....and of course some family issues.

Are these excuses? Well, yeah - they are reasons, they are life issues, they are real - and they affect what I'm doing. 
Am I making strides towards my health and healthier lifestyle? YES!!!
I have continued to go to see Jen twice a week. 
I have taken short walks around our house several times a day to check out our flowers - even in severe pain that takes my breath away.
I have almost fully recovered from the blood sugar elevations from the med event. 
I have broken through all the cravings - they were very real, like drug addictions. 
Through much research, I have worked out a diet/eating plan that will be easy to do, be the balance of the carb vs. protein I need - but probably 1400 calories...maybe only 1200. 
I have determined several meal plans for variation based on activity levels.
I have continued to work on my water intake, sleep patterns, and loving myself - in the midst of a terrible threat to feel useless, worthless and a burden on those around me.

To be chewed out because I did not lose any weight in the last two weeks was demeaning.  And I have to figure out how I'm going to address this with her...because now, honestly, I'm going to start lying to her.  AND - I will not look forward to getting on the scales for her.  AND - I will find ways to beat the scale rather than learning the tools, and the wisdom that I need to never have to be ruled by the scale again.

I feel very abandoned and very abused....and very alone in this endeavor.....
But, as I said - that's today, in my world.
~Christi

Over and over Jen and Christy have said it seems like my issue with my knee is pure and simple over use, and the neglect to get massages for healing help.  Taking it slow seems to be helping. I really hope there is some muscle memory left when I get things worked out again - we have paid for two more races this summer - 5 miles June 17th  and 4 miles.....July 4th.
On the other hand - our youngest daughter(20 years old) went to the surgeon that took 5 lumps out of her breasts last year - and since 6 months ago, a new one has grown, and grown to 3cm.  That's fast.  That's aggressive. A needle biopsy will be done June 5th, and surgery probably June 23rd.
So - the whole concern about whether I'm in a wheelchair or not kind of has taken a back seat to what's going on with her.
Jim has spent the last week covered (and I mean covered) with a rash that we can only tie back to a medicine he took - his normally skinny muscular legs looked fat and non descript - kinda like mine - it was scary.  But no infection signs every showed up - so he bathed twice a day in ivydry and double dosed benydril - and finally yesterday I could see legs again....on him.

We are going to be working on the house this week - woo hoo!
Don't think we'll see anyone this weekend - all spread out - but we'll see each other!
You all have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend - BBQ safely and smartly!  And we'll see ya'll back next week!
~Christi

If you find yourself in a wheel chair, here's some hints:
If you choose to get out and walk, using it as a walker - DON'T DO IT DOWN HILL - it's no longer a walker, but a puller.......
If you choose to get out and sit on a bench beside it to watch the fish swimming (and to not block the whole narrow path for others), put your leg up, and groan whenever kids walk by and kick the wheelchair.
If you choose to get up and walk to some photo thingy standing up - DON'T LET YOUR SON-IN-LAW SIT IN THE WHEELCHAIR - he may take off with it! 
If you choose to get a wheelchair - DON'T AGREE TO BE THE BAGGAGE HANDLER!  Though if it's a wide wheelchair, you can fit small backpacks on both side of your hips to make it more comfortable!  The wheels are still hard to reach.
If someone is pushing you - DO NOT give them control of the brakes!!! ALWAYS MAINTAIN WHATEVER CONTROL YOU CAN GET!!!
If the person pushing you keeps pushing you one direction so that you are getting a kink in your neck YELL "SHE'S HURTING MY NECK - I CAN'T MORE!" and they will realize what they are doing, once they get over the extreme embarrassment.
Other solution to being parked in corners - GRAB THE WHEELS AND SAY GIVE IT TO ME - I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!!! NOBODY PUTS CHRISTI IN A CORNER!  and watch the other people look at you in sympathy - you have just trained a whole group of non disability knowledgeable people to realize that folks in wheelchairs are people just like them!
Oh - in with non wheelchair accessible areas - MAKE A STINK!  Because, hey - I can get up and go into that area - but if I couldn't get up - I'd be stuck. 
And - at an amusement park - YOU GET TO GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!!!! Just don't let your son drive you up the exit ramp....for normally able persons...you will probably get run over!
Before you get into a wheelchair (as if you can plan for this) do a lot of upper body exercises....wheeling yourself up hills is pretty difficulty - but boy oh boy, flying down the hills is great fun - just remember your wheel gloves (I forgot mine...ouch!).

As in everything in life - be prepared, and then, what you prepared for won't happen!

~Christi

Could the swelling be going down and now I'm feeling the real pain????
Yesterday, I humbled myself and rented a wheelchair for 'walking' the zoo with my daughter and her husband.  Rentals are always the huge ones that are for people that have shoulders 5 inches longer than mine - and I bang up my forearms trying to move myself....so I get stuck wherever someone parks me....except I'm not totally an invalid, so I get up and move the wheelchair - which can bring on some really ugly looks, but hey, I didn't park in a handicapped spot - ok????

Anyway - today's workout had nothing to do with my legs - which was a challenge for Jen - since EVERYTHING involves squats and lunges....but I got a really tiring upper body and core workout...and tomorrow - another 90 minute massage (since I have a bunch of stored up prepaid massages, I'm bunching them up for this situation).

Food - um, yeah, pain seems to be an appetite enhancer for me....maybe I need to be a bit MORE disabled so I can't get to the 'frige. 
We are rethinking many things - and reorganizing things....so maybe it's good I can't move around too much - I have to sit around and think!
have a great weekend everyone!
In His hands and Under His wings,
~Christi

I did not do the Race for the Cure on Saturday.  Not even at the gym.  My knees were starting to feel better...and, honestly, we think that what I did wrong was just doing back to back 5k's....May 3, then May 10 - and to continue that on May 17 would be totally foolish. Even on a bike at the gym - because if I went to the gym, I would not do 20 minutes....I would want to do one hour...and, well...I would hurt my knees.  They needed another couple days of rest to be stable again.
So - I sat on a little roll around thing, and worked on the yard - and Jim and I wore our specially designed t-shirts...and we went to a birthday bash with my best friend up in Cleveland...
The moral of this story:
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY - IF IT HURTS AND YOU CAN'T MAKE IT STOP - THEN STOP DOING WHAT MAKES IT HURT!!!
IF YOU BODY IS HURT - LET IT HEAL!!!  DON'T RE-INJURE IT! Don't be a stubborn ditz like me and push through the pain....like I did last weekend at the race.

I know this flies in the face of No Pain, No Gain - but there are ok hurts, and then there are NO WAY hurts....that will take you out of the opportunity to participate in the good pain hurts....I've spent a week waiting for the knees to heal - and then walking

The other neat thing that happened this weekend was that nasty medicine was completely out of my system...and no more cravings for baconators and chocolate!  That's a good thing!  I'm back to opting for chicken and fish!  And it feels good!

I'm also looking into joining weight watchers...anyone care to share their experiences with WW????
have a great week!
~Christi

People with Fibromyalgia are greatly helped by regular massages.
People with any type of soft tissue inflammation are greatly helped by massages.
People without any thing wrong with them can enjoy massage -
I have a monthly membership with Massage Envy - so I have a free massage every month - that I can set an appointment for and receive.
Dum du dum dumb, DUMB!!!!  I haven't had one in over two months....and today, after making sure the knee thing wasn't a bone issue, I saw Christy.
90 minutes of near heaven.  And she was able to find everything that hurt, and most she was able to massage out.  There is one area that is odd - which I will take up with some doctor some time.  Other than that....she reminded me that I feel better after a massage, massage enhances recovery both from working out and from any injury, and would enhance muscle flexibility before a race.  And I also realized that she has ours Tuesday - Saturday....no excuses.

Since the doctors are useless to me - here's the basic thoughts from the two ladies that have been my biggest help since January 1:
Doing two 5k's back to back is too much for me. It caused overuse injuries.
Doing three 5k's back to back to back is stupid for me - especially when I already have overuse issues.
Doing a 5k in honor of my mom and my bestfriend (race for the cure) because I designed the special shirts for Jim and I and hurting myself more is beyond stupid.

Christy said that Jen sounds like a very smart woman.  I'm thinking Jen is going to say the same about Christy when she hears this!
Oh - and Jim, he's decided that we will go to the gym, wearing our shirts, and do the 5k with me on the recumbant bike and him on the elliptical right next to me....5k or 1 hour.....in memory of my mom and my best friend. 
here's my shirt:
http://www.cafepress.com/heavnbluedesign/5537165
Here's Jim's shirt:
http://www.cafepress.com/heavnbluedesign/5541857

have a great weekend!
In his hands and under His wings,
~Christi

Jen and I are recreating the physical therapy exercises - and she's watching to make sure my knee caps are tracking straight - one still is, one is not(not the one that hurts, of course). She's the one that called the shoes in as culprits....we'll check that out soon.

Then she called me on nutrition (oops....) - I'm up 6 pounds.  HEY - I WAS UP 8 - DON'T I GET CREDIT FOR THOSE 2 POUNDS LOST???
I haven't really focused since stopping the one medicine (that was causing weight gain) and injuring my knee - I lost the 2 pounds before the race last week!
So - anyway - the nerve!  She demanded I make commitments to her for two weeks - and she wanted to hear "NO SWEETS, NO BURGERS".
Well - I gave her - get my water in, no red meat, and 2 veggies and 2 fruits a week.
When I make a promise...I really try to keep it.....but, I didn't say no ice cream! 

I am on 'light duty' for my knee - she feels it's the tendons supporting the knees that have been stressed, which also stresses the  muscles connected and so on and so forth  - so rest, ice, and controlled exercises. Like I said - she wants me to bike right now....no treadmill or track.  But she didn't say I couldn't do the Race for the Cure on Saturday - but there's going to be so many people - I can just take my time. (And she'll be there! hmmm, wonder if I can hide?)

Thanks for the positive thoughts, comments and encouragements....
I am committed....and on my good days, I see all of this as learning about my tools and how to take care of them so that they will work well for me, and last for as long as possible - while still enjoying life!

I may not get to walk a Marathon this year....but I'm closer than I was last year.
~Christi

Yesterday, I had the appointment with the knee and hip doctor.  My goal was to show him how much stronger I was(but I was in pain), and get him to give me help to get stronger, and ways to deal with the pain when it comes.....so I said:
"I do not want to sit around and wait for my knee to disintegrate....I understand that the next surgery will probably be a replacement - but I want to be strong and do stuff now, I want a life now...and since I saw you I have completed 4 5k's, but the last one tweaked my knee and hip probably because of the shoes."

Jim was in the office with me, and the doc looked at Jim  surprised and said "wow those are two very extreme statements, that have no connection between them."(What??? I was just saying what'd he'd said the last time!)  "let's check your knee"(he was supposed to check both knees- and I said it's my right AND left knee - but he ignored me, and I was still stunned with how my comments were condemned as extreme and having no connection with each other).

No comment on whether my knee was better or not...just that my knee has arthritis (which doesn't show up in x-rays....so there's no real evidence that is the problem, though a good assumption - but we know what assume does to people).  He said that people with arthritis that do well are the thin strong ones....so I have to become a thin strong one.  To continue to walk just tear up my knees, and since he gets paid for full knee replacements, no problem doing it sooner than later. He said he wants me to have a life - but that walking to any extent would speedup the disintegration...so do a bike or water aerobics(I have not see a thin water aerobics teacher...even those teaching it for 10 years!).

I was stunned.  He was more attentive...with Jim standing there...but I was in such shock that I didn't think to ask questions like, what about a cortisone shot for right now....what other treatments are available...what about knee braces as I lose weight....what about hips and ankles, and I forgot to tell him I HAVE to walk to keep the neuropothy at bay (already coming back because of not walking to rest for the current pain).  He said that 1500 steps on pavement is really too rough on my knees (his estimation of steps per mile - but he's tall). 1500 steps - anyone heard about walking 10,000 steps a day for health???  So - I can't work an 8 hour job at a place I have to walk around on concrete.....and I have back and shoulder problems that mean I cannot sit and work at computers.....so, what kind of a job could I have?  Ok, none....that are legal.  To me, that is NOT a life.  Not being able to walk at a speed that most people consider normal walking (3mph)....and the doctor didn't even ask me what speed I'm walking at....I'm not running....and walking with me is not any amount of exercise for Jim - I'm too slow.  And what about shopping at a Super Walmart, Meijers or Costco - I can get 1500 -2000 steps easy. So what kind of life was he saying he hoped for me?  Obviously not pushing a stroller with my grandson, or walking the metro parks in Columbus.

So, why am I going to this doctor?  Because this is the best sports medicine clinic in Columbus - but apparently you have to be thin, young and athletic by their standards to qualify for good care. (My PT Jen said she sent a 60 year old woman to a doctor that skied, and was very active - and that doctor treated her like a , well, 60 year old woman - and the woman left!). 

Where do you find someone that is interested in improving your quality of life?  Where do you find someone that takes all your situations into consideration?  Do I have to wait until I'm old enough for AARP to get combined health care?  But what about compounding issues?  And in all of this - I'm thinking a diabetic with neuopothy is something that should be taken seriously....but I don't seem to be able to find one to do so.  Oh, yeah - I've done so well at lowering my blood sugars no one wants to help me prevent it now. GRRRRRR!!!

I'm tired of being looked at because of my age and weight, and assumed  my idea of a life is sitting on the porch instead of the couch.  I also tired of being ignored about some of my age issues that do need to be addressed.  I'm so tired of being told that I've done this to myself....when I've been begging for help and can't get it.  I'd love to get on the Biggest Loser show just to get the total health evaluation package and training....because apparently, only on the Biggest Loser do any doctors really evaluate everything and come up with a plan to help you win back your life.  I just don't have enough medical knowledge to figure this out on my own....and I do one thing, and it effects another that stops me in my tracks.  I do this to help myself, and it hurts me over here...and vice versa.  I really wonder if this is all worth it....and I know there are folks that are suffering and overcoming - and high fives to them.  I'm not afraid of pain, I'm not afraid of work....but I'm sick and tired of hurting myself by trying to help myself and then getting blamed for the problems I've caused in my ignorance, or worse, by following on doctor's instructions that are contraindicated by another issue they don't even care to know about.  And I don't find out about it, until I've messed up the other condition.

This sounds stupid, but it was so much easier when I was suicidally depressed.  At least then, I just didn't give a bleep.

 lost focus.  Since the Flying Pig and the end of the MPM, I have not lost any more weight.  The trip to DC last week lead to me gaining about 5 #'s back.  It's just hard to eat sensibly in a hotel, especially when someone else is paying for it (at least the $$$ part). 

So I'm going back to concentrating on eating right and exercising hard every day.  This morning, Christi encouraged me to go, or I would have crawled back into bed.  I _always_ feel better after exercising, so it is surprising to me that I would even consider not going, but I do.  Still working through the soreness from the lower leg workout on Tuesday, but I can pretty much walk normally now (I was kind of shuffling).

My goal is to be below 210# by our anniversary on Aug 2.  I'm somewhere around 225 to 230 now, so that is about a pound a week.

Jim

Since we're visible again, I'll blog again.

In the run up (so to speak) to the flying pig, I avoided lifting weights with my legs.  No longer having that excuse, I had Carl lead me through a lower leg routine.  Ouch.  We started with 4 lengths of the gym walking lunges.  Worked out to about 80 steps.  Then leg presses, squats with a bar, and squats with dumbbells.  3 sets each.  Then leg extensions and leg curls interspersed with ab crunches.  And I did 35 minutes of walking at over 4MPH on the treadmill afterwards.

It's interesting.  I first started lifting weights when I was in high school playing football.  I had just finished the big teenage growth spurt (I was basically done growing vertically as a freshman) and I remember that any leg exercises made my knees hurt.  So I've always shied away from doing leg exercises.  Now, while my knees are a bit sore, it seems to be muscle related.  Nothing like what I remember.  So I've let the experiences from age 14-15 govern some of my actions every since.

Interesting..

(Isnt' Christi's Psalms 118 blog great!!??)

Jim

My knees have been hurting pretty badly since the walk last Saturday.  I got to talk with Jen, my PT today, and she said "your shoes look all sloppy....did you wash them?"  No - but I did do a 5k in the pouring rain, and since I forgot my second pair of shoes, I wore them out, and did the funky chicken in them...as well as more walking.  So - like when I was a kid, and had converse tennies, and wanted to stretch them out - I got them wet and wore them....hmmm, rain is wet, and I wore them...hmmmm, they may be stretched out!!!  The side to side stability goes out first.
Shoes....a very important aspect of foot and leg safety and strength and support.
here's a quote from About.com:
"Running in old or worn-out shoes is one of the most common causes of running injuries. Your running shoes lose shock absorption, cushioning and stability over time. Continuing to run in worn-out shoes increases the stress and impact on your legs and joints, which can lead to overuse injuries. The easiest thing you can do to prevent those types of injuries is replace your shoes when they're worn-out.
So how do you know when shoes need to be retired? Don't use the treads of your shoes to determine whether you should replace your shoes. The midsole, which provides the cushioning and stability, usually breaks down before the bottom shows major signs of wear. If you've been feeling muscle fatigue, shin splints, or some pain in your joints -- especially your knees -- you may be wearing shoes that no longer have adequate cushioning."

Now - I have funny shaped feet - it's almost as hard to get shoes for me as to get clothes!!!  So - I really don't want to go out and buy more shoes (yes, I am female....honest).  But, the article says for heavy people, 300 miles may be the limit.
Looks like I may need to replace my shoes.  We bought them in February....say 25 miles a week,4 weeks a month = 100 miles, 3 months ...that's 300 miles.  And I didn't just wear them for exercise....I wore them everywhere! 

So - what's the battle???? TOMORROW I RETURN TO THE DOCTOR THAT TOLD ME NOT TO WALK!!!  And my knees hurt. 
and Jen just forbade me to walk - she told me to go ride a bike (something she doesn't particularly care for as a cardio machine - I made her say it three times just to be sure!). 

On the upside - It's probably over use, I can do the bike, ice, and some stretching....and maybe tomorrow I'll get a prescription for the wheelchair and handicapped tag for when I'm not allowed to walk!   I know that the next treatment is surgery - as in, replacement of some level.  But I can sit around and wait for that for 20 years, or I can live, and get strong, and maybe have it 10 years earlier.  Since it's going to happen some day - I may as well be in the best shape possible for that day....and live each day to the fullest in the mean time.

For the whole article:
http://running.about.com/od/shoesapparelandgear/f/replaceshoes.htm

So - go check your shoes!

Thoughts from Psalm 118
:14 The LORD [is] my strength and song, and is become my salvation.
For years I have song a song with this verse from Moses in Exodus 15:1-2
“I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea. The LORD [is] my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he [is] my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.” This was sung after the Israelites were delivered from Pharoah’s army miraculously.

Yesterday, a friend of mine was struggling with why bad things happen to good people - and why sometimes we are knocked down while we see others around us, those against God - that seem to get everything. I shared Psalm 73 with her - where King David is saying the same thing.  But I wondered more about it - for my sake.  And this song came to my mind.  I looked it up - and first went to where King David sang it.

In Psalm 118 - it doesn’t really sound like the psalmist is coming off a victory high - it sounds more like a choice.  Verses 1-4 repeat “say His mercy endures forever”. Then verse 5:
I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, [and set me] in a large place.

So - the Psalmist is or was in distress - and says the Lord answered him...and set him in a large place....but the rest of the Psalm sounds like he is still trying to convince himself:
:6-7 The LORD [is] on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? The LORD taketh my part with them that help me: therefore shall I see [my desire] upon them that hate me.
And
:8-9 [It is] better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. [It is] better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes.
The next verses give me a hint that the psalmist isn’t really in this wonderful large place at this time..... “they compassed me about, they compassed me about, they compassed me about like bees” followed by “I WILL destroy them” - not “I did”. Followed by this in a few verses is this comment “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.” Not my idea of a person walking on the high places - but rather, fighting through a valley.
That brings me to the verse I read today:
:14 The LORD [is] my strength and song, and is become my salvation
In the midst of the valley - How is the Lord my strength, my song, and becoming my salvation?
We can choose to be with the Lord, and be filled with his joy for STRENGTH.
James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Nehemiah 8:10 ...for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence [is] fulness of joy; at thy right hand [there are] pleasures for evermore.
And we are compelled and commanded to SING A NEW SONG:
Many Psalms say Sing unto the Lord a new song(33.3; 96:1; 98:1; 144:9; 149:1)
Psalms 63:7 7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.(echoed in James 1:2)
Psa 100:1-5        [[A Psalm of praise.]] Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
Know ye that the LORD he [is] God: [it is] he [that] hath made us, and not we ourselves; [we are] his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, [and] into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, [and] bless his name.
For the LORD [is] good; his mercy [is] everlasting; and his truth [endureth] to all generations.
(This echoes the confession in Psalm 118).
Now - how does this make the Lord our salvation:
When in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death - where we wish we could give up and die, and get it all over with - He, Our Heavenly Shepherd is with us, His rod and His staff comfort us(Psalm 23). 
The Psalmist is taking a stand when he says in 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.
From someone who has attempted suicide, and had suicidal ideations for many,  many years  - this statement is a statement of faith, it is a choice not to take the easy road - but to choose to live, and to declare the glorious works of the Lord.  This is a statement of salvation - being saved from the darkness to walk into the light.

The Shepherd, Jesus(Ps23), walking with me through those valleys of the shadow of death, was and is my salvation.  He has led me beside still waters, and made me lie down in green grasses to rest, and he has anointed my head with the oil of gladness, and He has prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies - a celebration party of Our victory.
Ps 118:21 I will praise thee: for thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation.

And I find it interesting that one of our favorite verses is followed by a cry:
Ps118:24 This [is] the day [which] the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
Ps 118:25 Save now, I beseech thee, O LORD: O LORD, I beseech thee, send now prosperity.

The end of both Psalms goes back to mercy.....
Ps 118:29 O give thanks unto the LORD; for [he is] good: for his mercy [endureth] for ever.
Ps 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

It's all about choices - It's all about perspective - it's all about what you believe about yourself, your world, and Your God.  When you are down in a deep well - look up and cry out....Someone will hear!
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

For everyone that knows someone who has breasts....please consider this wonderful opportunity to exercise your option to help fight for a cure.
http://cms.komen.org/komen/index.htm

In Columbus, Ohio - the race is May 17th.

I race in memory of my mom - 1934-1980 and my best friend all through school - Robin - 1959-1995.
I race in honor and hope for my daughters, Anna, Faith and Rachel - each has had a scare.
I race in honor and hope for my best friend, and Robin's sister Sue.
And I race for myself. I am estrogen receptive/sensitive - though no masses at this time.

Jim races to support all of us.
In the recent photo, Sue and I are together.
In the wedding photo, I am in the middle - Robin is to my right, and my mom is to my left.
Think Pink!

Thanks to Leslie and Amber.....woo hoo - they sent a message to MSN and here's what they got!!!

Leslie, please ask your Friends to enable their Contact Card Settings. This option will allow users to display Space updates like recent photos or Blog entries on the contact card or cause a gleam icon to appear and in order to access Space via clicking the name or picture on the Friends List.
 
They may change their Contact Card Settings by following these steps:
 
1. Make sure that you have signed in to your Space and that you are in "edit mode".
2. Click "Options".
3. Click "Space Settings".
4. Under "Contact Card Settings", click the box to place a check mark/remove the check mark beside "Show information from my Windows Live space on my contact card, and use gleam to indicate there's something new".
5. Click "Save".
 
It cured our invisibility!!!!  Should we write a movie?????

I am exhausted....my shins and ankles and knees hurt....but I am happy.;
I'm happy that Jim is back home. Life is just not the same when he's gone.
I'm happy that I got to go out with our son and daughter in law and grandson for brunch...and then we got to babysit Brayden while mom and dad went to a movie.  It wasn't hard - he fell asleep in my arms - and slept until mom and dad came back! Nothing much feels better than a baby snuggled up in your arms, totally trusting.
I'm happy that I chose to walk to my daughter's apartment today(maybe a mile at most) - loosening up the shins and ankles....boy they hurt....but I think it's all good hurts.
I'm happy that spring is here...and we have a house with which we can play in the garden...and we have so many parks in the Columbus Metroparks to enjoy the outdoors.
I'm happy that my daughters love to just come and be with me, or talk to me (for hours....) even though they are 20, 21, and 25.
I am happy that I am a believer in Jesus Christ - and the joy of the Lord is my strength, and He gives me the peace that passes all understanding.
I hope that everyone else has something to be happy about today!
In His hands and under His wings,
~Christi

To all the mothers - happy mother's day to you - and congratulations on making the choice this year to be a healthier you!